10/13/2019
After I wrote this article, I read on the BBC news about a young Olympic hopeful who hanged herself in the woods behind her home. A year later, her grieving mother said, “Your children… are people and they've got minds of their own, but you can have time to sit and listen to them, or just take on board if they have said something to you, don't just disregard it.” [1]
It is disturbing to learn that in the USA alone, 129 people kill themselves daily [2]. The government agency Center for Disease Control says that, “Suicide rates went up more than 30% in half of states since 1999” and “More than half of people who died by suicide did not have a known mental health condition” [3]. “In 2017, suicide was the second leading cause of death for persons aged 10–24,”.[4, 15] With the recent high profile suicides of pastors (Jarrid Wilson, Jim Howard, John Garner, Andrew Stoecklin, Bill Lenz, Berry Dambaza [13]...), and of the family members of Christian leaders in the recent past (son of Rick and Kay Warren, son of Jack Deere...) we realize that even Christian families are not immune to this scourge.
But what is new is the appeasement of suicide. I was reading the responses to those suicides and was surprised at some of the responses by even church leaders.
Every response I read spoke of mental illness and depression. To repeat, even though the CDC says that, “More than half of people who died by suicide did not have a known mental health condition”. Just a sampling:
This article on Break Point by a well known Christian leader says it is all due to mental illness [5].
Jarrid Wilson’s boss, Greg Laurie, “addressed the subject of suicide among Christians, arguing that you will not be judged for the last thing you did before death. He was dealing with challenges, medical challenges and other extenuating circumstances we know nothing of.. It's really not fair to pass some judgment”. [6]
On Howard... “.. would sometimes fail to take medication prescribed for his condition” [7]
On Wilson… “No more pain, no more struggle, you're made complete and you're finally free.” and “Happy 1st birthday in heaven” [8]
On Lenz… “Mental illness is a very dark thing. ” [9]
On Stoecklein... “People often see anxiety and depression as problems fixable with prayer alone.” and "We Don’t Believe it was a Decision” [10]
Rick Warren wrote, "this was an illness that was never fully controlled and the emotional pain resulted in his decision to take his life." [11]
They blame depression and mental illness and that is it. Yes, there is depression and mental illness but that is not all. Depression and mental illness are not the only villains in many cases - but they are easiest to blame. They are easy villains but not the only ones. Christian leaders should stop the appeasement of suicide because once they remove any stigma and it becomes justifiable and something to sympathize with then you will have a flood of suicides within the Christian community.
It has already lost its stigma in Europe.This Olympic medalist at the recent paralympics had a degenerative muscle loss but was otherwise in superb physical condition. Since she was Belgian, she wrote out euthanasia papers in advance like one plans for retirement. When she reached age 40, she summoned a doctor who put her to death last week. [12]
Suicide is the latest battle front in Christendom. Like opposing ends of a pincer, on the one side you have euthanasia which is propagated and promoted by the secular Left and now you have suicide by prominent Christians. I fear this will lead to legitimizing of suicide. In the rush towards grace to not condemn the suicide victim for his or her actions, they forget that there are many more victims those he left behind, those of his family members and people he had connections with.
Free Will and Personal Responsibility for one’s actions is replaced by, “you never had a choice because you are mentally ill or depressed”.
It does not help when they say he's now in heaven celebrating his 1st birthday in heaven. It sounds like an escape mechanism from his troubles. I believe it is not established doctrine what exactly happens when we die. I know the passage where Jesus told the thief on the cross today you will be with me in paradise (Luke 23:43) and the passage that absent from the body and present with the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:8) but Paul also spoke of the saints being resurrected from the dead only when Jesus returns (1 Thessalonians 4:16). But suicide is not mentioned in these passages. Notice that even when Paul and his companions despaired of life, they never tried to kill themselves. I suggest we stop preaching and teaching as established doctrine where there is uncertainty.
Again, if suicide is harmless and a lesser sin, then why didn’t apostle Paul and his companions attempt it when they were severely beaten, and lost hope of life”? How come even today, Christians who are persecuted, imprisoned and tortured do not take their own lives as a shortcut to heaven?
“We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us.” — 2 Corinthians 1:8-10 (NIV84)
I believe it is wrong for teachers to say those who commit suicide will go to hell - we do not really know. But it is even greater harm to just equate and normalize it as just another sin like greed or gluttony or lying. It is final with no return. It will destroy families and it will replicate itself among younger generations of that family - why would anyone want to do such a selfish thing, to bring this generational curse upon his or her own family?
The most compassionate thing one could do is to disapprove of the decision and the act of the suicide victim. Failing to do so will gain it legitimacy and justification and will encourage many more people to kill themselves [14]. Suicide is an act of utter selfishness. My heart anguishes over the agony that the wife and young children of these pastors who kill themselves. How will they go on living; how will the kids grow up? Utter selfishness. Yet everybody only has words of compassion for the suicide victim and Depression is the evil enemy that caused all this. Christian leaders should step up and teach that it is a choice, an act of extreme selfishness and a sinful act. It is final. There is no turning back. Nobody can come back to life after suicide at least not in this lifetime .... They should teach what trauma will result on those who are left behind, on your family members. I read that adultery and suicide travel down generations ÷ it is true.
Are you thinking of killing yourself or do you have friends and family who are despairing of life and you fear they could be next?
I would like to propose something to both of you.
If you are thinking of killing yourself then stop and consider that it is an incredibly selfish thing to do. Then look around you at the people in your family, extended family, friends and anyone connected to you . They could end up doing the same thing under your influence.
Another thing to do is to stop the focus on yourself and help less fortunate people in the local community. For instance some good volunteer organizations help abused and neglected children.
Instead of trying to take the solution into your own hands seek Jesus - cling to Jesus and let him rescue you from your pit of despair. Surrender to God and trust him with your situation. Read the Bible often and pray with the expectation that he will speak through the Holy Spirit to guide and help you. Also seek out another Christian (s) to read the Bible and pray together with - powerful things can happen. Allow others to help you by telling them what you are feeling and thinking, without shame or embarrassment.
Long ago when I was a teenager growing up in India I reached the same point of contemplation but even though I was growing up in an evangelical Christian family and my grandparents were leaders in the local church there was a lot of dysfunction and spiritual pride, lack of openness and humility. Parents in those cultures could never apologize for wrong actions done to their children.
It is very awkward to suggest that the family members could be directly responsible or be a contributing factor for a person committing suicide. It is easier to blame the villain of depression or mental illness. It is easy to absolve oneself and the victim of responsibility. In the end it's not just one person who kills himself who's the victim but all the people he leaves behind, to shatter their lives by his uncaring monumental selfishness. It is very difficult and painful for family members especially Christian leaders to face the fact that they maybe a contributing factor in the person committing suicide.
About that time, I read a Reader’s Digest article on suicide that resonated with me. It said people commit suicide because they have lost their reason to live. The support that caused them to want to live is taken away from under them and they lost their reason to live. A second point is if you kill yourself look at your niece or son or nephew playing over there; they will do it 10 or 20 years from now. Just as Margaux Hemingway killed herself in the same way decades after her father, the famous author Ernest Hemingway shot himself. A third reason to not kill yourself is you just might not succeed but would be left crippled or with disabling health conditions resulting from your failed suicide.
For those who are connected to someone trying to kill themselves, please open your ears and have genuine conversations with the person. Do not turn a deaf ear. From my own experience I have seen that family members are a likely cause of people trying to kill themselves. If there's dysfunction in the family, address it; repent of any sin toward each other and stubbornness. Listen to the person with a tender heart. Do not be manipulated but allow your heart to be touched by God. Engage in genuine conversations.
A caring person does not have Deaf Ear disease. This goes both ways - the family of the despairing person should open their deaf ears to really listen, and the person himself should unblock his or her deaf ears.
It is a Western fix not just to blame depression but also to recommend clinical psychotherapy alone as the cure. Yes, there may be a medical basis for mental illnesses but can I suggest something else? Christians frequently grow up in very dysfunctional families. The family should sit down and honestly confess and repent of sins and ask for forgiveness from whom they have wronged. This will promote healing and love and life within the family.
References:
[1] Snowboarder and Olympic hopeful https://www.bbc.com/sport/winter-sports/49991840
[2] AFSP "Suicide statistics" https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/
[3] CDC "Suicide rising across the US" https://www.cdc.gov/vitalsigns/suicide/index.html
[4] CDC https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db352-h.pdf
[5] Jeremiah Johnston "A Light in the Darkness: How We Can All Help Prevent Suicides" http://www.breakpoint.org/2019/09/a-light-in-the-darkness-how-we-can-all-help-prevent-suicides/
[6] Greg Laurie "Greg Laurie on Jarrid Wilson suicide: We will not be judged for last moment before death" https://www.christianpost.com/news/greg-laurie-on-jarrid-wilson-suicide-we-will-not-be-judged-for-last-moment-before-death.html
[7] Howard "Pastor who fatally shot himself would sometimes stop taking medication, megachurch leader reveals" https://www.christianpost.com/news/pastor-who-fatally-shot-himself-would-sometimes-stop-taking-medication-megachurch-leader-reveals.html
[8] "Pastor Jarrid Wilson’s wife celebrates his first ‘birthday in heaven’ after suicide" https://www.christianpost.com/news/pastor-jarrid-wilsons-wife-celebrates-his-first-birthday-in-heaven-after-suicide.html
[9] "Bill Lenz, Pastor Who Dedicated Ministry to Suicide Prevention, Takes Own Life" https://www.christianpost.com/news/bill-lenz-pastor-who-dedicated-ministry-to-suicide-prevention-takes-own-life.html
[10] "‘We Don’t Believe it Was a Decision’: Pastor Andrew Stoecklein’s Wife Discusses Suicide With Lysa TerKeurst." https://www.faithwire.com/2018/11/29/we-dont-believe-it-was-a-decision-pastor-andrew-stoeckleins-wife-discusses-suicide-with-lysa-terkeurst/
[11] "Pastor Rick Warren blames son's death on depression" https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/04/06/church-pastor-rick-warrens-son-commits-suicide/2059193/
[12] "Marieke Vervoort: Paralympian ends life through euthanasia at age of 40" https://www.bbc.com/sport/disability-sport/50145393
[13] "Zimbabwean pastor with family history of suicides takes own life" https://www.christianpost.com/news/zimbabwean-pastor-with-family-history-of-suicides-takes-own-life.html
[14] Judoka Jack Hatton and Olympic hopeful
https://www.bloodyelbow.com/2019/10/6/20899028/loss-of-olympic-hopeful-jack-hatton-highlights-mental-illness-in-top-athletes-jeremy-stephens-judo
[15] "Suicide rate for kids ages 10 to 14 nearly tripled in last decade: CDC" https://www.christianpost.com/news/suicide-rate-kids-ages-10-to-14-nearly-tripled-last-decade-cdc.html
